Gnats again. In Clarksville I was told that the gnats are unusally plentiful because of the flooding.
At breakfast, I asked a regular what he did about the gnats.
When he replied that the only thing that worked was:
This stuff they sell at the hardware store. It's right up on the counter in the brown bottle. I squirt it around on my head before I go out every morning and it keeps them off. The bug spray don't do nothing.
everybody in the place from waitress to busboy to the clean-shaven, young fellow in coveralls having his 10 AM shot piped up to heap praise on "the stuff in the brown bottle."
So, after breakfast I followed their directions to the hardware store to buy one of the brown bottles. Of course it occurred to me that this miracle fluid probably contained one or more than one outlawed and/or carcinogenic, possibly radioactive compounds -- the gnats had laughed at 100% DEET, after all. But, potential regulatory violations or health perils were as nothing to me. The truth is, I didn't care a whit. Whatever the brown bottle contained, if it kept the gnats away from me, I would be happy. (If it slowly dismembered, disembowled, or caused them to burst into screaming flames while still alive, I would be even happier.)At the hardware store, I found the brown bottles on the counter, proferred my credit card to the woman behind the counter, and walked out with a bottle. Curiously, the only words spoken were "Gnats bothering you?" and "Yep."
Outside the store, I immediately sprayed myself from head to
toe. Before I had reached my chest, the little beggars had backed
off -- disappeared entirely. In the miraculous, buzz-free calm, I
looked at the ingredient list: peppermint oil, clove oil,
geraniol, and lemongrass. Maybe the little fiends don't like to
smell nice.
